Astronaut Donuts
by Kyle on Ice
Summary: Kat is a human Astronaut. Somehow, her ship crash lands into the Tallest's Donut supply. Well, she doesn't have anywhere else to go. Why not stay here? Red/OC
1. Take Me to Your Leaders

_**Crash!**_

…..

…

…..

"_Shit, what happened?"_ Kat thought, rubbing her head. She looked around. She had landed in a ship full of… "Donuts?" she said aloud.

"My Tallest! Someone has infiltrated the D-wing!"

"No! Not the Donuts!" Purple started flailing around in a panic.

"Assess the damage and bring them in! They'll replace every single donut they've destroyed!" Red clenched his fist, emphasizing his point.

"Yes, my Tallest!"

Purple was still yelling in a garbled panic. Red gave him a weird look.

**LATER….**

Kat was being led down a hallway by two weird looking dudes she naturally assumed were aliens. The whole donut thing was still lingering in her mind. Why did aliens have a pod full of donuts? Wouldn't they have some kind of…..alien food? Why did they have Earth food? And more importantly…. Why donuts?

She mentally shook herself. Obviously, she should be thinking about more important things. Well, first of all, they seemed to be in an oxygen-rich environment, so she didn't need her space suit. "_Good thing, to. That thing itches like hell."_ She thought.

Finally, they arrived in a large room, filled with all sorts of high-tech machinery Kat had never seen before. In the center, stood two really tall guys. They were the same species as the guards who captured her, and seemed to be the ones in charge.

They both glared at her as she was led up to the platform to stand in front of them. Kat held her confused stare, looking at them back and forth. One had purple eyes and a purple….suit….thingy, and was stuffing curly fries into his mouth. The other had red eyes and a similarly matching red….suit….thingy. His arms were crossed and he glared at her with an uncomfortable intensity.

The Red one spoke first "This is the intruder?"

The guards answered in unison "Yes, Almighty Tallest."

The Purple one, still stuffing his mouth with curly fries asked "Mpth…..mmm….Why is her hair pink?"

Ignoring the other one the Red one approached her. She was only a few inches taller than her, so he didn't have to strain himself when he lowered himself to her eye level. "Why did you attack our donuts?"

Kat blinked in surprise. Donuts? All they cared about were the donuts?

"Uh….I'm sorry about that….It was unintentional. I don't know what happened, but my ship suddenly crashed into your…donut supply. I could….make you some more? If you like?"

"Yeah! Yeah, you'd better!" the Purple one interjected, now inhaling what appeared to be a slushee.

Kat tried to stifle a laugh.

The Red one could only face palm.

"Do you know where you are?" he asked her.

"Uh….No, actually. I'm rather confused….What is all this?" she gestured toward all the tech-y stuff.

"We," the Red one pointed to the Purple one and himself, "are the Tallest!"

She nodded, following him as he showed her stuff on the big screen.

"We are leaders of the Mighty Irken Empire!"

Silence…

"Any questions?"

"Uh….yeah….What do I call you two? To distinguish one from the other?"

The Purple one suddenly popped up again, this time with a bunch of what appeared to be Twinkies.

"I'm Purple!" he exclaimed.

"And I'm Red. And you….."

"My name is Kat. So should I…..start working or something? I mean, I have nowhere to go, and you said you wanted those donuts replaced, right?"

"Yeah, sure. HEY, SCOTT!" Red called. Almost instantly one of the guards identical to the ones who'd brought her there, appeared.

"Yes, my Tallest?"

"Register Kat in the Irken Citizen database! Then show her to the kitchen!"


	2. Beam Me Up, Scott

The Irken soldier named Scott escorted Kat to a bleak room, the only light emanating from various screens manned by identical-looking smaller non-Irkens aliens.

"Put your hand on that screen over there." One of the small aliens instructed.

Kat did as she was instructed, sauntering over to the glowing touch-pad.

Cautiously, she placed her hand on what she assumed was some kind of biometric scanner. [_**1**_] She felt a prick, and soon enough, she saw a tiny vial being filled with her blood. As soon as the vial was full, a small beam made contact with the open wound, healing it almost instantly.

A few minutes passed, and Kat just stood there, unsure of what to do next.

All of a sudden, she dropped to her knees. Something had hit her in the stomach. Hard.

"Oh. Oh, god that hurt." She clutched the surprisingly light object that had caused her this pain. "What the hell is this?" She looked over the object carefully. It looked like a high-tech backpack.

The soldier Scott was ignoring her, looking over the shoulder of one of the non-Irkens; presumably her information.

"Hmmm. Mm-hmmm. Yes, yes. Very interesting…" An unfamiliar voice muttered. Kat couldn't pinpoint the location of the voice. _Pfft. Sounds like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter._ Kat chuckled to herself.

"Subject: Kat

Species: Human

Sex: Female

Age: Twenty-six Earth years

Human Blood Type: A

Height: Exactly half an inch shorter than the tallest. [_**2**_]

Weight: One-hundred and thirteen pounds

Concluded Irken Status: Second-In-Command in service of the Almighty Tallest

MY CONCLUSION IS FINAL!"

Kat stood, still slightly confused. She turned to the soldier Scott. "Uh….What does that mean, exactly?"

He looked back up at her, wide-eyed. "Forgive my rudeness earlier, Tall Kat." He proclaimed, bowing his head slightly.

Kat sniggered internally at this address. "So, what is this thing?" She held up the thing that hit her in the gut not five minutes ago.

"That is a PAK. Every Irken citizen has one. They are what keep us alive. As an official Irken citizen, you have been granted one to assist you with your new life here."

"So….I just wear it like a backpack?" Kat looked over her PAK questioningly.

"Correct, Tall Kat." The soldier Scott answered.

Kat almost let her laughs out that time.

Slipping on her PAK, she addressed the soldier Scott, "Listen, um, Scott? You really don't have to call me that. It's a little embarrassing."

Scott looked at her oddly, but said nothing, only nodding his head.

"Soldier Scott! The Tallest must know of their new Second-in-Command!" The Computer shouted.

"Uhhh….Won't they be mad that I didn't make the donuts?" [_**3**_]

Everyone in the room burst out in laughter.

"The Second Tallest making Donuts?" one of the non-Irkens cried in hilarity, wiping a tear from his eye.

Finally leaving the Citizen Registry Room, Kat followed Scott back to the Control Room of the Massive where the Tallest would be waiting.

It finally clicked in Kat's brain that the reason she had this position was because she was _**tall**_?

_What's with these weirdoes?_ Kat thought, as she reentered the Massive's control room.

* * *

[**_1_**] - Essentially the shapes (metric) of the body (bio) unique in every human/animal ie: fingerprint

[**_2_**] - I don't know just how tall the Tallest are, so I decided to just go with this.

[_**3**_] - Reference to an old Dunkin' Donuts commercial. Most of you my age probably won't get it, but your parents just might. Try it on them. XD

* * *

_Thanks for reading! :3_


	3. Mostly Harmless

"Did you say…..Earth?" Red questioned.

"Yes." Kat replied. She had yet to be informed of her new role as 'Second Tallest'.

Purple turned to Red "Hey, isn't that the planet where—"

He was cut off by the giant screen switching on. It showed another, smaller Irken.

Red's eyes narrowed at the sight of him.

"Zim." he growled.

"Yes, my Tallest! I was just calling to inform you—AHHHH! AAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

This sort of screaming went on for quite a while, until Red cut him off.

"At first I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own. But it's been _four hours_ now, Zim! FOUR HOURS!"

"But—my Tallest! There's a—a _FILTHY_ human on the Massive!"

"Her name is Kat, Zim."

"I don't think she's filthy! She smells like soap!" Purple interjected.

"Yeah, Zim" Red said, "Are you trying to anger the new Second-in-Command of the Great Irken Empire?"

"Whaaaaaat? I…Uh….I apologize, my Tall Kat! I, uh, I didn't realize!"

Zim sat there, waiting for some kind of reprimand from the new Second-Tallest.

"Hey, hey, hit him with some lasers!" Red whispered.

"Everything is always lasers with you! What if—Gah!" Purple was cut off by a shove from Red.

"Zim, is it? Please, you can just call me Kat."

Red and Purple really seemed to hate this little guy. Kat couldn't help to wonder why.

"Now, why did you say you called?" Kat continued.

"I….I…uh…I have to go." Zim stuttered awkwardly, cutting off his feed to the Massive.

"Well, that was weird….." Kat muttered.

"Yeah, well, that was about a two on the Zim Weirdness Scale." Red chuckled.

"Why do you two hate him so much, anyway? What did he do?"

"I'll take this one" Purple stepped up, "Right now the Irken Empire is working on galactic conquest. We call this plan 'Operation Impending Doom II'."

"Yeah, so?"

"_Zim_ was the one who ruined Operation Impending Doom I."

Kat's eyes widened. "Oh."


	4. I Come In Peace

Not long after the call from the apparently notorious and ever-destructive Zim, Purple and Red took Red to what appeared to be a rather large conference room where at least thirty other Irkens sat at the long sleek table placed at the center of the room. She followed the two to the head of the table and stood between them.

Red slammed his fists down on the large table. "Alright, everyone! We're here to discuss the best method of introducing Kat to the general public of the **Irken Empire.** Any questions?"

One Irken raised his gloved hand. Red pressed a button on the table in front of him that, Kat noticed, had not been there ten seconds ago. The nameless Irken who'd raised his hand was at once obliterated by lasers, the only thing left being his PAK and a small pile of smoking ashes. Kat was visibly alarmed at the blatant disregard for life, but nothing was said regarding her obvious discomfort.

"Anymore questions?" Purple asked humorously. All others shook their heads. "Good! NOW LET'S HEAR SOME SUGGESTIONS!"

A minute or two passed until one of the clearly bolder Irkens raised their hand. "Yes, Event Planner Yix?" Red inquired.

"We could use the Stadium Planet and she could give a speech?" The young event planner clearly wasn't sure of his suggestion, and Kat sort of pitied him.

"That's a terrible idea!" shouted Purple, who then pressed the very same button Red had earlier to incinerate the poor innocent.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea," said Red.

"Yeah," Purple said, "I just didn't like the guy."

Kat was frozen in disbelief. None of the others in the meeting hall had even blinked when one of their fellow workers was incinerated! She mentally shook herself out of it when the Tallest turned to address her.

_No reason to appear nervous on your first day, _she thought to herself, _They only incinerated two innocent…people?_

"What do you think, Kat?" Purple asked.

"You up for giving a speech?" Red asked right after.

Kat nodded and gave a nervous smile.

_Don't give them a reason to incinerate you. DON'T GIVE THEM A REASON TO INCINERATE YOU._

"Yeah, I think I can manage," were the words she managed to get out.

"Excellent! Meeting adjourned!" declared Red. As soon as that was said, multiple robotic arms rose up from the table and punched each of the event planners in the face. "It's tradition to punch each event planner in the face after an event has been planned," explained Purple.

Kat stood there in disbelief. Her new home was _weird_.

_**Later:**_

Kat, Purple, and Red were sitting in the main control room of the Massive. Kat was trying to write her speech. Red came up and looked over her shoulder, "How much have you got so far?" "Well, right now, all I have is 'Citizens of the Great Irken Empire! I cannot tell you how proud I am proud to be your new Second-in-Command! I look forward to serving the mightiest empire in existence!'." she sighed. Purple leaned over her should as well, "Seems kind of long," he stated. Kat looked at him incredulously, "_Long?"_ Red nodded in agreement with his fellow Tallest, "Yeah, but it shouldn't be a problem. Think you can get it memorized by tomorrow?" Kat rubbed her eyes with her left hand. She was tired and her new home confused her to no end. "Y-yeah, no problem," she muttered.

_**The Next Day:**_

"Citizens of the Great Irken Empire! Please welcome your all-powerful rulers—The Almighty Tallest!" A booming voice echoed from the gargantuan speakers built into the foundations of the Stadium planet.

Thousands upon thousands of Irkens erupted with applause and shouts of praise. Red and Purple walked out onto the large circular platform located at the center of the stadium. The two waved at the mindless, brain-washed civilians until their arms grew tired.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Purple yelled at the crowd.

Red gave Purple a 'look', "Thank you, Purple".

Purple ignored the look Red shot him and shouted to the crowd, "Citizens of Irk!"

Red continued, "We, the brilliant, good-looking, and all-powerful Tallest have an important announcement!"

"Meet your new Second-in-Command of the Mighty Irken Empire!"

"Tall Kat!" The two finished in unison.

On cue, Kat's figure slowly rose from the stage, accompanied by plenty of smoke machines and lasers. Once the platform reached the top of the stage, she stepped forward. The crowd went wild. She waited a minute before raising her arms, signaling the crowd to silence themselves. As the crowd settled, she began to speak "Citizens of the Great Irken Empire!" she started (man were they using that phrase a lot today), "I cannot tell you how proud I am to be your new Second-in-Command!" Once again the crowd broke out in applause, soon subsiding so that Kat could finish. "I look forward to serving the mightiest empire in existence!" She then joined Red and purple on the platform she had arrived on. The three were then lowered underneath the stage to make their way back to the Massive.

Even as they flew away, the screams and cheers of the mindless civilians could be heard coming from the stadium. Kat couldn't believe how easily the Irkens blindly followed their…. "_government_". Given, the people of Earth certainly weren't independently minded, but this was on a completely different level.

"Well that's that, then. You've been officially introduced to the empire as its new Second-in-Command," Red proclaimed as she followed him and Purple into the Master Control room. "So…..What now?" she asked. Red and Purple glanced at each other, then back at Kat. "Hey you! Yeah you!" Red yelled at a nearby worker, "We got any empire stuff to do?" The Irken was visibly startled, but scrambled off dutifully to check on any and all empire affairs in need of attendance by the Tallest. "And bring me some nachos!" Purple called after him. He turned to Kat, "I hope they have jalapeños." Unsure how to respond, Kat merely smiled. Red rolled his eyes.

_**Several Hours Later:**_

As it turned out, there actually wasn't any 'empire stuff' that needed doing. As such, the three most powerful individuals of the most powerful empire in the universe were lounging around on the couch until they reached wherever the hell they were going. Purple had been brought his nachos about an hour ago and was still stewing over the fact that they had _not_ in fact come with jalapeños on them; and would not hesitate to remind everyone in the room of this every several minutes. Red was not pleases about the lack of jalapeños either, but still managed to eat them anyway.

"Aw, man. I have to go to the bathroom," groaned Kat. "HEY, SCOTT!" yelled Red, "SHOW KAT WHERE THE BATHROOM IS!" Kat winced and covered her ears, but followed the loyal servant when he arrived.

Not long after Kat had left, Zim's face appeared on the giant screen. "Why do these nachos have no jalapeños?" Purple yelled. Red looked up and noticed Zim. He nudged Purple, whose attention then shifted to the Massive's giant monitor as well. Both groaned. "What do you want now Zim?" Red asked. Zim saluted the two before posing his request "I wish to speak with Tall Kat. I have important information regarding her home planet."

* * *

Yes! Finally, what most of you have been waiting for! Of course, keep in mind that this chapter _is_ currently unedited. I have a beta pending, and I wanted to let you guys read this as soon as possible since you've been waiting patiently for so long. If all goes well, a better, edited version should be up sometime in the future! Thanks for waiting! You guys are awesome! 3


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